By Jen Uscher
WebMD Feature
Reviewed by Joseph Goldberg, MD
Being raised by an alcoholic can create issues that last a lifetime.
“There are many different ways that being the child of an alcoholic can impact your life, but we do see some common issues that often create problems for people as adults,” says Patricia O'Gorman, PhD, a psychologist in Saranac Lake, NY.
Here are some of the most common effects:
Difficulties With Relationships
Children of alcoholics often have difficulty with relationships. One reason may be their need for control.
“If you grow up in a family where everything is unpredictable, you tend to want to hold on to a feeling of control,” says Cara Gardenswartz, PhD, a clinical psychologist in Beverly Hills, CA.
She notes the children of alcoholics also have trouble allowing themselves to be vulnerable and open in relationships. “They learned they could not trust their caregivers,” Gardenswartz explains.
Alcohol Abuse
Studies show that a child of an alcoholic is three to four times more likely to develop alcoholism than a child who didn’t grow up with an alcoholic parent.
Erin Harkes,a 36-year old musician and comedian in Albany, NY, has a stepfather and a biological father who were both alcoholics. She, too, battles alcohol addiction.
“Any time I thought about quitting, I looked at how my stepfather became a really angry person because he stopped drinking. That was part of his excuse for his behavior…. I don’t blame that for why it took me so long to quit drinking myself, but it certainly didn’t help,” Harkes says. She has been sober for 3 years.
Research shows that daughters of alcoholics are more likely to marry alcoholic men. “If we have learned as children to love someone with addiction, we will tend to unconsciously seek that out,” O'Gorman says.
Emotional Struggles
Adult children of alcoholics often struggle with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and feelings of shame.
“They may believe on some level that they did something to deserve the neglect they experienced,” Gardenswartz says.
“You have been damaged by somebody who was supposed to protect you, and someone you are supposed to love and who is supposed to love you unconditionally. It can screw you up pretty bad,” Harkes says.
Getting Help
Experts recommend getting individual psychotherapy and attending 12-step meetings for help coping with the effects of growing up with an alcoholic parent.
Psychotherapy may help you understand the impact your parents’ alcoholism has had on you and the choices you are making. Look for a licensed mental health professional with experience working with adult children of alcoholics or with addressing trauma.
Al-Anon is a free support group for family members and friends of people with alcoholism. It uses a 12-step program. Meetings are held in communities across the U.S.
source : How to Find Support When You’re the Adult Child of an Alcoholic
